We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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