This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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