How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
