Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
