did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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