I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
