dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
