I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
