in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish I only lived at night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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