mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
