you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
