He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
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Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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