He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
