I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
