I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just tell him i said nine months
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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