I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
