New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
