I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
