Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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