I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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