The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
