Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How external is "for external use only"?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
