My friends, they love my intelligence
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
