do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
