HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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