Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
