well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
