If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
