it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
