I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
