the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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