i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
