from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
