Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
