Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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