i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
