I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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