i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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