One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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