Ambien. No doubt about it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
