So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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