i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we made out on top of his cat.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She needs sedatives and a leash
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
