Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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