I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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