so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
