its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.