the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.