Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

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(404): What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you? http://tfl.nu/4jb3

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(301): View more from Maryland

Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

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(301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh

Replies (71) Good night (19591) Bad night (1797) Order T-Shirt
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(307): View more from Wyoming

you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?

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(307): you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right? http://tfl.nu/h1i3

Replies (7) Good night (4101) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
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(519): View more from Ontario

Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.

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(519): Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this. http://tfl.nu/msry

Replies (35) Good night (1148) Bad night (3475) Order T-Shirt
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(847): View more from Illinois

i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college

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(847): i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college http://tfl.nu/qor8

Replies (5) Good night (3571) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
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(207): View more from Maine

I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.

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(207): I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate. http://tfl.nu/7qra

Replies (14) Good night (2115) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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(713): View more from Texas

Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.

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(713): Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga. http://tfl.nu/fdid

Replies (12) Good night (800) Bad night (1827) Order T-Shirt
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(503): View more from Oregon

I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.

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(503): I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend. http://tfl.nu/inq1

Replies (32) Good night (782) Bad night (2961)
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(516): View more from New York

is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?

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(516): is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is? http://tfl.nu/4m9k

Replies (6) Good night (1112) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.

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(304): Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened. http://tfl.nu/gr90

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.

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(267): yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want. http://tfl.nu/2y0q

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.

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(814): I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work. (1-814): Either he has bad timing or he wants to join. http://tfl.nu/sgyz

Replies (5) Good night (2156) Bad night (325)
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(585): View more from New York

Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?

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(585): Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/z6wh

Replies (13) Good night (1191) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.

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(215): There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her. http://tfl.nu/lhzd

Replies (11) Good night (1157) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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(757): View more from Virginia

You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.

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(757): You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else. http://tfl.nu/0zf9

Replies (20) Good night (946) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt

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