HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish I could punch you in the face.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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