$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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