No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
