Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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