Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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