this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
