i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
