Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
