I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
