the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
