i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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