Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
