I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
