Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
