Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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