I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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