You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it's like iHOP with fire
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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