2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
