She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize